1. |
On The Lam
03:25
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Do you remember mid-late May in the early 80s
Do you remember Melbourne Avenue
He was caught before with a girl on his arm, and harm on his mind, and the arrogance to get by
Does that sound familiar
I remember January 2020
I left Lincoln and met you at the station
We spoke a while in the rain, you looked different
Older even, a little more grown up too
We tried to see something even close to reason
We tried, but agreed to disagree
We tried to think of something to believe in
We tried, but agreed to disagree
Will we remember the heat that hit us in 2016
I was 24 and you were barely 18
Looking back, a mistake I made
I misread the signals
Thought that I’d be fine until I wasn’t
I tried to see something even close to reason
I tried, but it never came to me
I tried to think of something to believe in
I tried, but it never came to me
Do you remember skimming stones on the southern coast
You can never know how much that meant to me
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2. |
My Girl Is 6
02:28
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My girl is 6
So these days always end like this
We don’t have the same ideas about time
She doesn’t understand that I’ll see her in 9 days
It’s just another time that we separate
I know what she’s thinking
But sometimes she hurts me without meaning to
I know I should’ve thought more
I know I should’ve been around
I know I’ve been a failure
I know I’ve let her down
She’s playing for time like she always does
But this time it’s different
It’s meant with love
She said through tears and arms too true
“I just like spending time with you”
I know I should’ve thought more
I know I should’ve been around
I know I’ve been a failure
I know I’ve let her down
I hope you can forgive me
I hope that you will understand
I hope you’re coping with the distance
Better than I am
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3. |
Swan Song
02:32
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My letter
Did you get it
Have you read it
Maybe just get rid of it...
I said some things
That I really shouldn't have
My arrival
Did you expect it
Did you bet on it
Could you barely believe it
I did some things
That I really shouldn't have
I'm calling this a win
-If you could call it that
Birds cried their swan song for your leaving
-I must've missed it;
-There's always something that I'm missing
My time
Did you care for it
Did you benefit from it
Was it worth the months and years spent
We did some things
That we really shouldn't have
Old friend
Did you mean it
Did you plan on it
Or was it all for the sake of it
You did some things
That you really shouldn't have
I'm calling this a win
-If you could call it that
Birds cried their swan song for your leaving
-I must've missed it;
-There's always something that I'm missing
-You never listen
I think it's better
And expected
That we shelve this…
Leave me to get on with it
I’ve heard some things
That I really wish I hadn’t
My belongings;
You can sell them
Or bury them
If they’re not worth the space they’re keeping in
You and my things
Will have that in common
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4. |
Rogue Bouquet
01:35
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There's a fine line between you & I
(The syntax is wrong but it rhymes alright)
I hope you're leaving
I'm doing alright
I'm on the edge of something bad but I'll be fine
A tied-up set of daisy flowers
Poppies in the pavement
Maybe I'll make a rogue bouquet
Give a girl a saviour
To me there's no romance in Halloween
There's no fun in being seen
(Or much of anything)
I'm leaving
How have you been?
I'm on the edge of something good and it's exciting
A tied-up set of daisy flowers
Poppies in the pavement
Maybe I'll make a rogue bouquet
Give a girl a saviour
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5. |
Skye Edge
02:49
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I must've waited hours for this rainfall
My knees pressed up against the wall
My hands and face up to the window
I've never felt so small
I must've waited days to leave
Away from the comfort of only me
Seconds are hours
Blues are greens
If you want to be disappointed then follow me
Because this frame has changed
It's something that I hate
I'm sick of me
I'm ashamed
The eyes are no longer the same
One pupil dilates
The other waits
I must've waited weeks for a phone call
A birthday nearly went by without a trace
You made an appearance in the early hours
Because that's not like you at all...
I must've waited months to move on
Better late than never though, I suppose
You'd been unstable
I'd been low
Because that's not like me at all...
This frame has changed
It's something that I hate
I'm sick of me
I'm ashamed
The eyes are no longer the same
One pupil dilates
The other waits
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6. |
Valentine Stables
03:03
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How’d you wind up here
I thought I called it 6 days back
I only had good intentions
It’s the courage that I lack
I circled the cemetery
I tried to behave
Counting graves
But the truth is I’m always afraid of saying the wrong name
How’d I end up semi with-it
I thought I called it 2 years back
You never were too good at this
Forgiving my past and covering cracks
I circled the cemetery
I tried to behave
Counting graves
But the truth is I’m always afraid of saying the wrong name
I’m less alone when you’re here
But I wasn’t lonely anyway
Make my way to the Valentine Stables
And there I’ll stay
I’ll circle the cemetery
I’ll try to behave
I’ll count the graves
But the truth is I’m always afraid of saying the wrong name
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7. |
A Long Night
02:55
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It's a long night
It's a long drive home
We ride in silence - together, alone
The scenery, the cemeteries
Everything different about you and me
It's a long night
But we'll see it through, I know
It's been a long time
It's been a while
We swapped out the songs and our old life
We patched together the pieces in parts that we held for a year and a half
Until a long night when you said it was no more
Because of a conflict of opinion
A denial that it's true
Was it something you had to do?
But why'd you take the trust of a boy that thought you good?
I guess it doesn't matter to you
It's a long night when we're faking smiles
Hiding lies, trying to fill the silence
We long to be serene
But the resentment seems at bay for a moment when we'd stop and sing
But it's a long night
And I'm glad it is no more
It's been a long time
And we finally find comfort in the release from each other's binds
The freedom gained when you're not restrained by another lovers words, their habits, theirs ways
Until a long night when it all happens again
Because of a conflict of opinion
A denial that it's true
Was it something you had to do?
But why'd you take the trust of a boy that thought you good?
I guess it doesn't matter to you
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8. |
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Does it feel the same, being away?
“There's nothing left to say”
...
Could you have predicted this hate?
That silence would outweigh the sounds
Because this season was always going to come around
And I'm glad it has
From the worst intentions
I'll leave you alone
For now
Let the window frames rot away
Feel the floorboards sway
Try to contain the weight
I wish I was more profound
But 8:15 always comes around
In a body bag
Or bad intentions
I'll leave you alone
For now
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9. |
Glow I and II
02:06
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It’s a breeze out here
In the middle of all the fields
Nothing to confront
Nothing to show
Constellations
Silver glows
It’s not easy out here
In the midst of adult years
So much to love about being young
Conversations
Days undone
Days are slow out here
Reminders of youth and fear
So much to miss
But more to dismiss
Explanations could never explain this
Love is lost out here
Reminders of firsts and lasts appear
I worried that I would never leave it for good
We take our turns
We count our glows
We make our demands
We take the long way home
Pray to love that no one knows
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10. |
You When You Were You
02:22
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If this is what you built of everything then I'm glad I'm not around
I'm far enough away
In a room with a view
I preferred you when you were you
You'll come back with words like 'sidewalk', 'aluminum' and 'gasoline'
When I heard what you thought of everything I was glad you weren't around
And far enough away
In a room that's not your own
Far from former homes
A mess of sterile worktops
The smell of sweet chlorine
When I consider the consequences of loving you
I weigh it up and I soon find the value in defeat
The sinking feeling finds me desperate and alone
A chapter to be ended
A book to burn
A door to close
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11. |
There's A Drive
03:11
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There's a drive
Two hours to your home
We should make the best of this
But I know we won't
I'll look for you at the window
Scratching your nails out on the panes
I know how you feel because I feel it too
But goodbye will never be goodbye for long
I've abandoned my child
There's a drive
Two hours home
I turn to the backseat to talk
But you're long gone
I think of you at the window
Crying your eyes out on the panes
I know how you feel because I feel it too
But goodbye will never be goodbye for long
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12. |
Mine To Lose
02:17
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I don't mean to complicate
I've made my mistakes
In a touch that's a touch too late
I'll take this as my point to leave
This is an ending of best beginnings
I'm seeing it off
And now I'm lost
Now here's a feeling that I hate
I've made my mistakes
I can't stake my claim in this
You weren't mine to lose
This is an ending of best beginnings
I'm seeing it off
Then I'm gone
This is an ending of best beginnings
I'm seeing it off
And now I'm lost
And now I'm gone
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13. |
Spin / XO
02:57
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I'd been feeling pretty low but it had been that way for a while
So I wondered is this me now
I'm still my biggest problem
It doesn't take much for me to spin
I can take five letters and ruin my day
It's been three years and I've still got three great ways to feel like a disappointment
-Wake up
-Breathe in
-Breathe out
And that's about it
I don't want to feel it again
Because I'm usually a glimpse away from reliving everything
Can you see through this
Sign off with an XO to me
Call it habitual
Or you could just mean it
I still awaken in a state of unrest
Always thinking that every next thing I do will be my best but instead...
I take three letters and ruin my day
It's been four years and I've still got five great ways to feel like a disappointment
-Turn up
-Walk in
-Break down
-Step back
-Burn out
And that's about it
I don't want to do this again
Because I'm always an inch away from just leaving everything
Can you see through this
Sign off with an XO to me
Call it habitual
Or you could just mean it
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14. |
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I found a Chinese coin
But there was writing on it
And I don’t know what it meant
Maybe I’ll call a friend
Then give it to the youth
Head to the water with it
Make her wishes come true
Are you brave enough to brace the cold in Lake Superior
I took her to see the rooms
But there were people in them
I don’t know who they were
The same blinds are still up
And the bike chain locked to nothing but the memories
Let’s keep them there for good
Because I see them enough in sleep
The weight in your heart and the cut marks on your arm, I know
Because I was promised life but got an ending to a start I loved
The off-cuff remarks and the phone calls after dark I took
Not knowing better than I should with the habits that I shook in time
Now it feels like another life of mine
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15. |
Swarm of Bees
02:47
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I'll pray to you on Halloween
Though I'm no better
I still look like shit to me
This conversation
This swarm of bees
It won't be fun
We'll both get stung
I can see a storm this eve
Now I've got the sense to avoid it
I lied to you in the Summer heat
In a time when honesty honestly didn't mean much to me
Day-to-day malaise and the want to be
Anywhere but there
This conversation
This swarm of bees
It won't be fun
We'll both get stung
I can see a storm this eve
Coming straight towards you and me
Now I've got the sense to avoid it
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16. |
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Late sleeper, early riser
Up and ready
Always tired
Revelling in the skyline
In this so-called life of mine
Speed reader
Little liar
Secret meetings
Grips tighten
Meeting beneath the skyline
In this so-called life of mine
I know that I can be selfish
But I hope you get better
I know that I can be so selfish
But I hope to get better
Peace keeper
Dream believer
It's not easy
Plaster peeler
I still remember the skyline
From that so-called life of mine
-I can't sleep
-I only count the days
-Cracks in the ceiling
-From when you would turn away
I know that I can be selfish
But I hope you get better
I know that I can be so selfish
But I hope to get better
-Believe it, I'll leave it
-Believe it or not I'm here
-You can tell me I'm wrong
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17. |
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Are you calling me out for a past that I'd forgotten about
I suggest that you look deeper for the reasonings on how I became what I did
A regret I'll insist was directly affected by the way you'd talk about him, or him
A kid, looking back
That's how I justify it
It's the pull of the bulrushes
To get me away from this
I'm unreaching the reeds
For a way back to bliss
I used to exist for misery
Now I live for the opposite
You say you miss your family and your friends
At least you've got god
To protect you
To forget you
To pretend
Your teeth go from yellow
To black
To falling out
Which isn't much different to how it is with us now
It's the pull of the bulrushes
To get me away from this
I'm unreaching the reeds
For a way back to bliss
I used to exist for misery
Now I live for the opposite
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18. |
Goodbye You
03:41
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Can you hear it
Are you listening
These visits feel more and more like hospice trips
God knows that I won't miss this
Do you hear it
I should've left well enough alone
But I just put another foot wrong
Do you still kiss the hand that feeds
Or are you on to better things
Goodbye you
Whoever knew that a parting word was all that this would have amounted to
So, here’s to all that we put each other through
Can you feel it
Can you breathe it in
I spent the trips silent, tongue-tied
You spent them lying about a lie
Can you feel it
I should've left well enough alone
But I just went on calling you home
Do you still kiss the hand that feeds
Or are you on to better things
Goodbye you
Whoever knew that a parting word was all that this would have amounted to
So, here’s to all that we put each other through
Do you still bite the hand that feeds
Or are you on to different things
Goodbye you
One I once knew
Even though we're not acquainted now you still go on to prove your hold on the truth
Here's to all that we put each other through
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19. |
Who I Am / Who I've Been
03:18
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A dying daisy on the doorstep
A blood orange on the table
A reminder of what I've seen
For now I think I'm able
To think about who I am
To think about who I've been
And the times where I carried on
When I should've given in
Though you think I can't be trusted
That's a whole other thing
Because I've had chances before
And I've only gone and squandered them
You were still umbilical
Snatched from the navel
You had to fend for yourself
Because I was still unable
To think about who I am
To think about who I'd been
And the times where I carried on
When I could've given in
Though I probably can't be trusted
That's a whole other thing
Because I've had chances before
And I've only gone and squandered them
I hope that in me
You found a place you can grieve
A place you can feel a little more at ease
If you're going to kill me
Kill me quietly
Remorseful but content
A new way to bleed
Now I'll think about who I am
To think about who I'd been
And the times where I carried on
When I should've given in
Though I can be trusted
That's a whole other thing
Because I've had chances before
And I've only gone and squandered them
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20. |
Trust Fall
02:21
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If I write it down enough times then I might just understand it
That I can forget this
But the same thoughts keep coming around
If I say it aloud enough times then I might just hear it
I might be wrong, I might be forgiven
But the shame will keep coming around
I’m bound to love
I’m bound to fail
I’m bound to give up
I’m bound to be ignored
But it never stopped me before
If I think it enough times then I might just see it
I can be convincing
But myself there’s no getting around
If I mentioned it enough times then will anyone believe it
I’ll tear a hole in every head
The word will soon start getting around
I’m bound to hope
I’m bound to lie
I’m bound to call
I’m bound to the trust fall
And it’s never stopped me before
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21. |
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So, here we meet
Somewhere in-between bad ideas and domestic dreams
What did we do when we acted so stupidly
Fumbling for blame
Wondering how making repeated mistakes always makes us feel the same
You'd think that we'd learn
We'd think it too
(If we weren't so set on having the least to prove)
Lights out
Show's over
Let's go home
We speak in footnotes that bend from intention to meaning to careening to an end
Never reaching the sense that we intend
Nor the well wishes we meant to share when we left
Lights out
Show's over
Let's go home
On the corner of Shoreham and Matilda
We fester like the smell of blood after it's been cleaned up
Did I make it seem easy as if to talk wouldn't please me
There's a new feeling to me calling you to be better for somebody else
Our heads stacked, we double-back
Abusing our weak spots and the courage we lack
A new year, new harms
Revelling in matching scars and junk hearts
On the corner of Shoreham and Matilda
We fester like the smell of blood after it's been cleaned up
Did I make it seem easy as if to talk wouldn't please me
There's a new feeling to me calling you to be better for somebody else
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22. |
Fremdscham
02:25
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Are these the days that we spoke of
The ones that would "never come"
When thoughts of future lovers were almost funny to one another, and impossible
The promise of a new mother remains undone
We took our time tired, wired in the Summer sun while you recovered
Before goodbyes that would set the scene for the rest of our lives
Every unsaid thing that we couldn't even shout
Everything ends in a German word that I can't quite pronounce
I don't know about you but I woke up down
Take the things that made me remember you best
Get your clothes, leave the records, take the rest
We trusted each other not to moonlight flit
Our world was small but I was happy in it
Every unsaid thing that we couldn't even shout
Everything ends in a German word that I can't quite pronounce
I don't know about you but I woke up down
-Were you ready for this
-Were you ready for anything
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23. |
Funeral Plan 2021
03:53
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Notes take hold in a folded screen
Somewhere semi-secret and signed "with love, Liam"
Knowing full well that it's just another way to make you think of me
Ten titles in drastic sound takes me crosstown
Hood up and my head down
Partner to father in all of those miles
Separating your libido from the best of my time
What you call "everything in-between"
I called everything that ever meant a thing to me
I took the life that I wanted with you
And I had it with someone new
Hell to hellbound in a casket
Is this too much that I'm asking
ETERNAL LIFE
What would you have said to this
A promise is a promise
What you call "everything in-between"
I called everything that ever meant a thing to me
I took the life that I wanted with you
And I had it with someone new
The sign signalled all we need to know
"SMOKE AND WATER DAMAGED - EVERYTHING MUST GO"
What you call "everything in-between"
I called everything that ever meant a thing to me
I took the life that I wanted with you
And I had it with someone new
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24. |
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There's a trail of shoes across the hallway leading to my bed
A cup and five letters left, one read: "A rose and frend gliter"
Man, I missed her
Three rooms away felt like a world apart
You're better to me than I am to anyone else
Can't you see that I still hate myself
I'd never felt this alive and half-dead on the inside
Eyes barely open and tired
We're putting bad habits to rest
Correct our posture
Replace the things we lost
You used to be knee high
Now your arms can link around me
I lost years to this
I don't want to let it in again
You're better to me than I am to anyone else
Can't you see that I still hate myself
I'd never felt this alive and half-dead on the inside
Eyes barely open and tired
I so love you
I hate myself
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25. |
In Pursuit Of The Cedars
02:39
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If you can hear me then give me a sign
A touch to the shoulder
A shiver up my spine
Offer a hand so that I know I'm still breathing
Stop me from leaving
Make me feel like I'm good enough
"GOD IS GREAT"
And at his great gates lays a dead deer in the garden
Tyre marks and a quickly-left-the-scene
Is that how you've been
Abandoned in the dirt
In pursuit of the cedars
The colours are clearer
Help me clear my name
Abate the way we feel today
In pursuit of the cedars
I think we're getting nearer
When you get there what will you say
And will you stumble, will you waste your words
Or will you finally feel heard expressing your doubts
Sometimes we wish for things that we have to live without
Like the night a friend of mine's brother died
I called one of mine just to know that he was alright
I convinced myself that I'd done my best
As if nobody had ever left
In pursuit of the cedars
Where the colours are clearer
Help me clear my name
Abate the way we feel today
In pursuit of the cedars
I think we're getting nearer
When you get there will you say that you were proud of how you'd spent your days
Because I'd love to say the same
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26. |
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I heard about letting past loves be
I heard elsewhere about chasing the muse
So, regrettably, here I am with another song for you
Not that you had a choice
I've got time and a...
"A constant pain in your lower back
Your hairline recedes and your lips are cracked
I'm ageing well while you're ageing bad[ly]
But here I am in my emptiness"
With nothing to gain
And everything to lose
I look just alive enough to not pass for the dead
My jawline left me but my colour's returning
My head is good
I'm getting up, out, and I'm moving on
You should too
"A constant pain in your lower back
Your hairline recedes and your lips are cracked
I'm ageing well while you're ageing bad[ly]
But here I am in my emptiness
A constant pain in your lower back
Our friendship recedes as my presence lacks
I'm ageing well while you're ageing bad[ly]
But here I am in my emptiness"
With nothing to gain
And everything to lose
"My head like a faraday cage
Ain't nothing getting in or out these days"
Is that your best excuse
I've heard it all before
Because you say it all the time
That it's "how you like it" but be honest...
"But it's how I like it, to be honest"
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27. |
Smile / Guillotine
01:55
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I find myself alone and I see that's still not the best place to be
I think of my past and the people I've been forgotten by, or unforgiven
She'll stumble in tripping over herself and waking me up but I'll be happy
Whereas you came home at 3:30 smelling of alcohol and secrecy
It's not what I want
It's not what I need
But something keeps bringing me back here
Now lift your head high and smile
For the guillotine
In my best strangled voice I'll formulate a reply
Song to song
City to city
Heart to heart
Eye to eye
My truth, your lie
It's your word against mine
I'm biting my nails
I'm steady on the incline
I wanted a quiet life
I guess I’ve got it alright
This is what I want
This is what I need
But something keeps bringing you back here
Just lift your head high and smile
For the guillotine
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28. |
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I think I bled it dry
After all it was a pretty short time in my life
And over-romanticised
You could never be that good
Lay it all out in one ear
I swear it's going in
I'll lead the words one by one out the back door
Make sure that I forget again
The evenings - that never end
The reasons - that I could never comprehend
The questions - separating stances
Because the meaning I still don't understand
The morning - I never thought would come
The seasons - I can recall every one
The endings - I've had enough time
The memories - it feels like another life of mine
My friend 'til the end forever
Or at least for a short while
If I could say one last thing then I wouldn't waste my time...
To hell, let's waste my time
The evenings - that never end
The reasons - that I could never comprehend
The questions - separating stances
Because the meaning I still don't understand
The morning - I never thought would come
The seasons - I can recall every one
The endings - I've had enough time
The memories - it feels like another life of mine
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29. |
I'm Only Here To Leave
02:15
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I've written it down enough times
I'll torture myself again
If it's not clear, I'm not here to make friends
I'm only here to leave again
Don't just make the same noise
Spell it out with words
I wonder what would be the best way to make this worse
You painted me in youth
Watching my skin peel in the afternoon
New paint over blue rooms
I've thought it out enough times
I'll torture myself again
And think about how we're further now than we were ever near
You painted me in youth
Watching my skin peel in the afternoon
New blisters over old wounds
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30. |
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The capital forgot about us
At least something could
There's a covenant to speak our truths and then divide
The revenant of love denied
Lost to time
Is this an end to consequence
We're tied up in the vines
There's an irreverence we held for adult life
A sentiment bound by every honest lie
We're calling this an end to consequence
We're tied up in the vines
Is this loneliness
This is loneliness no more
I thought it was everything
But now it's the sound of the rainfall before the deluge of regrets that came my way
It's the first reminder of a thousand cold calls
And taking the long way home
It's the antidepressant
The great suppressor
Let's bury it deeper than we could ever have meant to
So that we'll never remember this
This is the end of consequence
We're tied up in the vines
Can you hear it
Are you listening
It's everything
And nothing all at once
Are you hoping for more
I hoped for years
I really thought it would come
But nothing ever came
Do you feel what I feel
Was your time the same
Do you carry an emptiness for all that was never meant
How many miles did it take
Or was it all in the time
Because it sure took me a while
I tried to find the words
I tried to hold them in
I thought it best to keep them
And not to push my nerve
It took some years of thinking
That I'd set aside to learn
I made up the answers
To questions you'd never heard
Will the guilt in me hold up
In the cities lost to time
Do you think you did your best then
Because I didn't do mine
I can only be more honest
When the prose simply simplify
I've everything to hide from
But nothing to hide behind
I think the sinking feeling's leaving
A hole's being filled in
It's getting hard to remember
Everywhere we'd been
Nowadays I think just maybe
Through the cover of a half-truth
That these words could well be
The last I write of you
So, here's to hoping to
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Kid Chameleon Sheffield, UK
Others projects past and present:
bedboundbysummer.bandcamp.com
fineokayfine.bandcamp.com
porcelainband.bandcamp.com
thetiredeyes.bandcamp.com
shortstorypicturebook.bandcamp.com
lighthauser.bandcamp.com
skinnydolphins.bandcamp.com
ALSO ON SPOTIFY ETC
... more
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